Saturday, April 13, 2013

I'll Be Seeing You In All The Old Familiar Places...

There are a lot of good things about having a dead mother.

Firstly, you don't have to worry about her dying anymore. No more wondering if today is "the" day, etc. That's a pretty good thing.

And you don't have to worry about her falling or having a stroke and you not finding her for three days because you've been playing too much bridge. And when nearly a week has gone by and you haven't picked up the phone to say hello, you don't have to feel like pond scum anymore. Especially when you finally do call her and say, "I'm so sorry I haven't called you; I'm the worst daughter in the world," and she says, "You are a wonderful daughter and I love you very much." Knife right in the heart! What a relief not to have to go through that anymore.

And those lunches we used to have together that we loved so much? Why, it would take my 90 year-old mother at least 10 minutes to get from the car in the handicap parking space to the front door of the restaurant. And those two places aren't that far apart. Oh, and the grocery runs I used to make. She would give me a list of two, sometimes three things to pick up "whenever it's convenient - not to worry." What a nuisance!

As you can see, there are many many good things about it. The only bad parts are that the first person I ever loved on this earth, I will never see again. The only human being who knows there's something wrong at the sound of my voice, I will never talk to again. The woman who would give her life for me and be happy to do so, I will never get to hug and kiss again. And who's going to tell me everything will be alright in the morning?

So there are some bad things about it too.

"I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be seeing you..."

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